Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
