ya dads aren't the best wingmen
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
