Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize