What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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