9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
