Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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