I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
