is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
