it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
