Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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