she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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