Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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