hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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