Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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