Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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