I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Randomize
