is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
