you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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