y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
