Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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