I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
