All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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