Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
