My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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