I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
