Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
