Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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