I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
