At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
