I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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