You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
