Soap is not a condiment
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
