I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
