Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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