his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
nutella sex= disaster
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
