Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
