when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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