i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
