Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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