When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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