She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
