sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
