I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's blow job season.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
