Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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