if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
