why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
