nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
