I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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