Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
