So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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