I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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