U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
