Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
