Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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