I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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