Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
