Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
