the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
