Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
