All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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