dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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