oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
