i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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