We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
