Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
