i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
