i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
