my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
