she woke up with a sticky ear
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
