I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
