and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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