I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
